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Writer's pictureMatthew Davies

Men's Mental Health


I’ve been working as part of a team at Co-Creation over the last few months, developing their wellbeing offering and it came up in conversation that November is Men’s Mental Health Month. As such, I thought I might write a post about my reflections on my own mental health and some things I do to try and keep myself on an even keel and in good shape, mentally.

 

I’ve been incredibly lucky that in my 41 years so far, my mental health has never deteriorated to the point that I needed to seek support, but I recognise that the balance is a fine one and I, like everyone else, have times when I feel more robust and resilient and other times when I struggle. There are genetic factors and health circumstantial factors which can play into the likelihood that a person suffers with their mental health, but I’m also aware that there are things we can all do which have either a positive or negative impact on mental health and I do my best to manage myself in such a way as to stay on the right side of these.

This list isn’t exhaustive by any means but I thought it might serve as a useful checkpoint for others to think more deeply about what works for them and what doesn’t, by listing some of the things that I do, which have an impact (either positive or negative) on my mental health. Self esteem and self image are important parts of mental health and so it’s no coincidence that a lot of the things I’ll share are things which, when I do them, really positively impact the way in which I view myself, which gives me strength and resilience in the face of the challenges we all face.

 

Reading and self-development – One of the first things that I notice when I’m not making time to read and to learn is that I feel unaccomplished and as though I’m stagnating. I’ve always been keen on growing and getting better and I have an obsessive tendency which I can really lean on to go deep into subjects and topics. Whenever I find myself making time in my day to read books and journals, listen to audiobooks and podcasts which go beyond entertaining and into informative, I feel better about myself and it gives a sense of progress.

 

Sleep – Everyone knows how important sleep is but many people don’t get enough, For some, it’s still a badge of honour to survive on a few hours a night. Not for me. I know the impact it has when I’m not well rested; less focussed, grumpy, irritable and things which I’d normally let wash over me tend to linger and frustrate me. I aim to be in bed for 10, read for half an hour and set my alarm for 6/6:30. Good sleep (a comfy but supportive bed in a cool, dark room) and getting up at a good time to start the day without feeling like I’m already running behind, make a big difference to my mental state.

 

Exercise and getting outdoors – this one is closely related to my sleep. I don’t have the best eating habits and I know myself well enough to know that I need to stay active otherwise I tend to put weight on. When I put on weight, my clothes fit less well, simple things become more challenging, I have less energy and I get frustrated with myself. I know that if I want to be active, the best time for me is at the start of the day when the rest of the family are asleep. If I plan to work out in the afternoons or evenings, more often than not, I sit down on the sofa and it doesn’t happen, so I set my alarm early and get it done. These days, get out for a decent walk with the dog and then immediately do a short workout when I get home from my walk. Nothing crazy, but a little every day and by the time I hop in the shower and sit down at my desk with my first cuppa of the day, I know I’ve already achieved something. That sense of achievement makes me feel good about myself.

 

Drinking alcohol – I really enjoy getting together with friends in social situations and getting drunk. Telling stories, catching up, reminiscing and making one another laugh. Those days tend to be fewer and further between as we get older and have responsibilities beyond ourselves, but they are good for the soul and alcohol is almost always a feature. As I’ve got older, however, I’ve tended to drink far less frequently. I’ve never been one to drink in the house as a matter of course (wine or a beer with dinner have never been a feature or our lives), so my alcohol intake tends to be very tightly focussed around social events. At this stage of my life, these tend to pop up every month or so. When they do, I like to have a good few drinks. I believe the experts call this ‘binge drinking’! What I have found however, as I’ve got older, is that while I can still drink in the way I did when I was much younger, the situation in the days after drinking is much different. As well as they physical symptoms of a hangover (sleep poorly, tired, headache, dehydration, maybe feel sick depending on the extent of the indulgence)  I now find that I suffer from the ‘booze blues’ for a few days after an event. This feeling of sadness, even verging on depression, weighs heavily on me for around 48 hours after I’ve sobered up and is a really stark reminder of the impact that alcohol has on body and mind. Having an awareness of the fact that it’s likely to happen can help me to navigate it (and I find that having a mindfulness/meditation practice really helps me to recognise my emotions and be more objective about them in the moment), but ultimately the only cure for avoiding this impact is to stop, or certainly to cut down on drinking and I’ve definitely had times where I’ve made the conscious decision to change my drinking habits to avoid those feelings. Sometimes, in the depths of the booze blues, where things seem pointless and life feels worthless, I worry that one day I’ll drink and get the booze blues and the feelings won’t lift and it’s a thought which has definitely made me consider whether or not to drink in certain situations.

 

Purpose and Service – The final thing which I know has a really positive impact on my mental health, is having a purpose and being in service of others. I know that purpose has become a bit of a buzzword over the last few years but it’s fairly simple for me. It means making a positive difference to the lives of others. And that doesn’t need to be a huge thing, it could be small and simple. Some pro bono coaching to a charity organisation who would otherwise not be able to access that service. Contributing to the local children’s gala committee. Doing something for a neighbour, Even litter picking around the park, which is something my daughter loves us to do together. These small acts of service help me feel like in some small way, I’m making the lives of others a little better and that has an oversized impact on my sense of wellbeing.

 

Each of us is different and each of us struggles at different times, in different ways and with different things. A useful first step in improving your own resilience and helping to better understand your mental health journey is to take the time to reflect and consider which things that you’re doing are helping you and which are making you feel worse. Hopefully my list can be grist for the mill and get you started on that reflection!

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